How to Make a Relationship Work

by Amy Ensminger

It’s not a matter of “if” challenges or storms will come your way when you are in a relationship; it’s a question of “when”. Challenges like…

…Job Loss. Illness. Children Rebelling. Money Struggles.

Family Conflicts. Addictions. Sexual Dysfunction.

Blended Family Differences. Death of a Loved One.

Relocation/Moving Stress. In-Laws that become Out-Laws.

Unfaithfulness. Work Schedules or Issues….

Because we are all human, we respond differently to these challenges. I have to confess, David and I have endured almost all of these challenges (and more) over the last 27 years. Honestly, the majority, have hit us like an on-coming bus since we restored our relationship in 2005. And, because we are indeed human, although each of us reacted in different ways with periods of resentment or anger, despair, confusion, hopelessness, neediness or disconnecting, it has made our relationship stronger throughout these challenges. 

The secret? The old saying…unconditional love comes to mind, but actually for us, it's more of a God-given unconditional love for one another because sometimes it has seemed like it would be humanly impossible to love one another through some of these challenges – that’s where the ‘God-given’ steps in. I have to admit there are times when giving God-given unconditional love is hard. Old memories can crop up in an instant and rob me of grace for David or my purpose in our relationship. So here are a few things that we do:

1.

We have to remind ourselves about giving grace to one another every minute of every day, even when we doesn’t deserve it. 

2.

We create daily opportunities to INITIATE respect and God-given unconditional love to one another. 

3.

Showing one another compassion even when we are not in the mood really helps us both become better mates.

4.

We have learned the importance of truly understanding one another, our hot buttons, tapes and personalities so that we can communicate respectfully and stand by one another even in the rocky times. 

• NOTE: Do not use this information against your mate when arguing!

5.

We each have tools memorized and ready to go for each of these challenges, hot buttons, tapes & personality differences that allow us to give grace, love & respect. 

• NOTE: That doesn’t mean that we ignore destructive behavior; it does mean that we help each other grow as individuals with grace and respect, rather than bailing each other out

Sound easy? Hardly. It becomes easier when we remember the simple commitment we each have made to each other of “until death do us part” and then re-make that commitment in our hearts and minds over and over and over again. We practice what we preach by using the tools that we created and teach in our Couples Training’s & 1-day workshops. And when we mess up (and we do and will continue to)…we apologize, recommit and ask how we can make amends. 

CHALLENGE:

Create and refine your own Top 5 ways to have God-given unconditional love in your relationship (or use ours!)

HOMEWORK:

If you don’t have a clue where to start or how to create these or need to learn or work on tools that can help your relationship, attend our Couples Training and/or one of our 1-Day Workshop's for Singles & Couples.   For information and to register go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com

About the Author

David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples.  For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com