by Amy Ensminger
Have you ever said or thought “I can’t believe I did that!”; “Where did that come from?”; “That’s just not like me!”? It’s called The Fog of War which is something that happens in the midst of battle – everything seems chaotic & nothing makes any sense.
In the fog of war people do, say & think things that are completely out of character for them & usually was done when one or both of you were at low resources.
The source of these actions & our battles is neither our mate, nor our spouse, nor our marriage…it’s what is in our OWN hearts – entirely, totally, exclusively, without exception. Simply put, whatever shows up in my words or actions (bad or good) isn’t around me or outside of me, it comes from one place: my heart. These things said or done that do damage of any kind to our mate can be complex and long-lasting. In essence, we really do reap what we sow, & our battles have actual consequences. They are not war-games, but can be war itself. They are crafty, alluring and they betray us.
What does this mean for our relationship?
It means that no matter how defeated we feel in the battle, right slap-dab in the middle of it all can be GRACE! Grace comes in all forms…forgiveness, mercy, flexibility, charity, kindness, caring, favor, honor, prayer & decency…not just for our mate, but for ourselves as well and…it’s for the giving & the taking! As we personally have learned, it means there are no lost causes or hopeless situations for people or relationships. If you truly love & respect yourself & your mate, we believe the steps to asking for forgiveness & changing those sabotaging behaviors & habits needs to begin immediately to stop the bleeding! For it is our responses to the damage that determine the outcome of any given battle. Better said, it’s not the end of a battle, but the beginning of restoration. Each day is a day of new mercy & power to confess, love, forgive & restore. Isn't that just the most hope & joy-filled thing ever for any relationship!
Challenge:
Look at where you can apply more grace BEFORE the battle begins?
Homework:
Individually come up with 3 simple steps you can take to begin changing YOUR sabotaging behaviors & habits & share them with an accountability partner. If it’s something you haven’t shared with your mate - be vulnerable and share it with them. Vulnerability is a good thing!
Suggestion:
Learn how to identify & stop sabotaging behaviors & habits, learn how to give and accept GRACE for yourself & your relationship, understand what “low resources” and over 50+ tools/tips in our next Couples Training. For info or to register go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com.
About the Author
David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples. For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com
