by Amy Ensminger
My best girl friend (BFF for those under 30) for almost 30
years is Jaye Newman. I love her dearly
and would do anything for her and I know she’d do the same for me. We don’t always see things the same, agree,
dress the same and have very different personalities. However, I can say that I respect her opinion
and she respects mine when it comes down to it.
If you’ll notice her ‘title’ is qualified…she is my best GIRL friend
because my BEST FRIEND is David. I love him dearly and we are of one
spirit. Although it wasn't always that
way, he is definitely my “soul mate”.
I believe that’s the strength of a great marriage. You and your mate can and should be best of
friends and soul mates. Although in the first 19 years of our marriage I
wouldn’t have called David and I soul mates; I can say that the last 8 years of
our marriage we have been. I learned
that being soul mates isn’t that difficult once you understand what being a
best friend with your mate is really about.
In the beginning of learning how to be David’s soul mate, since I
had/have great love and respect for Jaye, I would ask myself – now would I
say/do that with Jaye? (And when my patience wears thin today, I still ask
myself that) Having that genuine friendship with her made a clearer measuring
stick of what respect, love, transparency and intimacy look like. I simply took
one day at a time, following the example of the great friendship I have with
Jaye and with each step I took it became much easier!
David and I had to learn how to do this and for me since I
was and can be a big ‘ole head case, it didn't come naturally. It was SO tempting to want to pick up beliefs,
comfort zones as well as pains and hurts from the past. We had to learn to nurture
the friendship component of our marriage by doing what best friends do:
- talking,
- having fun together,
- treating each other well,
- helping one another,
- standing up for each other,
- encouraging one another,
- being patient and compassionate with one another,
- trust and honor one another,
- being respectful of them with others,
- being kind to one another,
- listening to one another and
- forgiving one another
– you know the things you
already do with your best friend or maybe even a total stranger! Today, we have cemented our friendship with a
solemn vow and taken the sacred covenant of marriage very seriously. I've got to tell you, I recommend highly
being best friends and soul mates with your mate (for life) --- it’s the
coolest thing!
SUGGESTION:
The next chance you get, take your mate by the hand and say “You know you really are my closet friend in
the whole world.” Tell them why they
are your closet friends and express how much your friendship means to you. And once in a while, on no particular
occasion, surprise your mate with a gift to celebrate and commemorate your
friendship…not a gift that you’d buy for you, but one for them that THEY will
enjoy. Take the time and honor your
friendship.
NOTE: If you need a great book to
start finding out more about your best friend, let me recommend “Love Talk Starters” by Dr. Les &
Leslie Parrott. Start with the one’s
that are gentle with your relationship in the beginning then when you both are
ready go to the harder ones.
HOMEWORK:
If you don’t know where to start in becoming soul
mates let me suggest you learn how to communicate with one another on a very
intimate level that will allow you to create hope and joy in an authentic
way. Give your best friend to be the
greatest gift you can by giving them…”Creating Intimacy & Respect Couples
Training”.
About the Author
David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples. For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com 
