How to Know if Your Relationship is Healthy

by Amy Ensminger

1. Both of you feel safe to think for yourselves

2. Both of you feel safe to speak up for yourselves

3. Both of you know your words are heard and valued

4. Both of you feel safe to share your feelings

5. Both of you have boundaries that are respected by the other

6. Both of you know that you are honored by the other

7. Emotional, physical & spiritual intimacy is met for both of you

8. Both of you give grace to one another

9. Both of you receive grace from one another

10. Neither of you keep a record of wrongs

Most would be surprised that "trust" isn't on the list. No relationship is perfect because humans are involved. The key is to know in your heart that even when your relationship isn't at its best these vital elements of a loving and respectful relationship are in tact or are in the process of being restored. When they are...there IS trust in the relationship!

SUGGESTION: 

Change someone's relationship and legacy (or your own!) by referring a couple to attend Creating Intimacy & Respect Couples Training 

What is the training about...

Creating Intimacy & Respect Couples Training is for couples who want to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict in their relationship; establish boundaries; identify & stop relationship sabotaging behaviors, enhance their relationship or get unstuck; break free from unforgiveness; learn exactly what their mate needs to feel loved & respected plus over 50+ simple tools in creating hope & joy in your relationship.

Who is the training for...

The training is for a man and woman couple who are in a committed, engaged or married relationship OR couples in a crisis situation who wants love & respect in their relationship.

For information, testimonies, cost, dates & to register go to: www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com 

About the Author

David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples.  For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com 

How to Resolve Conflict in Your Relationship

by Amy Ensminger

Common Areas of Conflict in a Relationship:

· Sabotaging attitudes, behaviors & habits

· Expectations

· Differing interests or hobbies

· Excessive time away from mate/family for hobbies, job

· Finances

· How to raise children & step-children

· Finances

· In-laws

· Friendships & family

· Dishonesty

· Sex

· Addictions

· Unforgiveness

· Independent living

· Infidelity

· Not feeling heard

· Disrespectfulness

· Religion

· Boundaries being crossed

Rules for Fighting Fair in your Relationship:

1. First, realize EVERY couple has conflict

2. Hear to how your mate feels NOT how you are feeling

3. Stay Calm

4. Listen and Speak in one another's love language

5. Address One Conflict at a Time

6. Avoid Accusations of your mate or others

7. Keep it between you. No parents, friends or kids need to be brought into your issues

8. Be specific about the problem so your mate understands your issue

9. Don't hit below the belt

10. Don't stockpile your resentment or hurt and address problems as they arise

Guidelines for Damage Control:

· Be humble

· Don't defend, excuse, blame or justify your actions or reactions

· Remind your mate that you are on the same team (for some mates you might need to remind them you are not leaving them)

· Commit to Resolution and reconciliation

· Apologize & Forgive

· Attend our couples training to learn the tools on how to recognize your specific areas of conflict, learn rules for fighting fair & how to restore the relationship from damage done.

· Get involved in a Men's or Women's group for support & accountability

· If needed, seek the help of a counselor or minister

Suggestion:

To learn tools on how to communicate and feel heard, fight fair & restore your relationship attend our next Creating Intimacy & Respect Couples Training. For info, cost, discounts & testimonies go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com. If not now, when?

Who is the couples training for:

Creating Intimacy & Respect Couples Training is men and women couples who are in a committed, engaged, married, separated & divorced relationship and want to create love, respect, hope & joy in their relationship. It is also for those who have already attended the training and want to refresh the training to deepen your understanding of the tools.

"My best friend and I are now husband and wife. We now have the tools for better

communication and bringing down the walls between us." ~ married

About the Author

David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples.  For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com 

Annoyed By Your Mate?

by Amy Ensminger

Please read this helpful email I received from Christine talking about her relationship with her husband, Bill. 

"You know that snoring that just gets on your last nerve? You think you'll never get to sleep? Or he should go to another room? Well, in the last few months as Bill's tumors in his lungs grew & he just got sicker, his breathing became so loud it drove me crazy. I would nudge him, put a pillow over my head, even tried ear plugs to no avail. And one night I had the thought that I only had a short while to hear that breathing & I swear from that night on, it was kind of a lullaby to me, a soothing sound. I'm not kidding! Now the room is quiet as can be & I'd give anything for that loud breathing. Amy, keep helping those couples!! It's a great thing you & David are doing." Bill died January 7, 2012. This sobering message Christine asked me to share with other couples came from a conversation she & I were having about couples who argue, fight, separate & divorce over the annoying, hurtful, upsetting & maybe unloving things their mate does. She wanted me to help you understand in a very real way that these things compared to the deafening silence when your mate is gone, can be worked out when you try. I'm thankful to her for presenting in a very personal way the pain of loss, with no regrets. To me, it also highlights the pride of fighting, shutting down or separating/divorcing over the selfish things that when we make the effort (which may require some dedicated & hard work), can be different! We simply just have to ask for help on how to make that happen. And sometimes we have to ask for help, over & over again, until we experience love & respect in our relationships. The question I have for you is this ...What is it that you would give anything to have when your mate is gone? Focus on that good while you work on the rest. Thank you Christine for your vulnerability & support in helping us help others. Your testimony & support will hopefully encourage couples to get help if they need it by attending Creating Intimacy & Respect Couples Training. SUGGESTION:   Please share or forward this touching message from Christine. You never know who you will help when you do...maybe even yourself! HOMEWORK: Communication & Conflict Identifying & stopping your sabotaging behaviors Forgiving yourself & others & Letting Go Know exactly what & how you & your mate need to feel loved & respected Using your Relationship Tools If you are in a pre-marital, marital or crisis relationship and don't know how to make these things happen in your relationship to experience love & respect attend (OR refresh to deepen your understanding) our next couples training. If not now, when? For info, testimonies & to register contact 800.229.9252 or go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com

About the Author

David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples.  For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com