Can you love your mate’s imperfections?

by Amy Ensminger

I came across a wedding photo of David & me from 1985 (image to the right). In those days of dating, engagement and as newlyweds, it was very important that we look our best, smell our best, and act our best with one another. Every stray hair was plucked or trimmed. Every flaw was eliminated or at least disguised and we both were specimens of great health -- flat tummies and all! What we learned as part of being married a lo

ng time is that no one can look perfect (or even smell perfect) all the time. 

So what happened in our relationship when the defenses came down and imperfections came out? The make-up came off? The morning breath reeked? The crankiness surfaced? The hair was messed up? The disagreements began? And the stomach couldn’t be sucked in any longer? I can answer that question from something that happened last night. As I watched David sleep last night seeing a very different man than the one I married 27 years ago, I couldn’t get over how much more I loved him than in 1985. How much respect I have for him for providing for me and our family even when we didn’t have two pennies to rub together. How much admiration I have for him being the best caretaker for me over these past 1.5 years. How much I adore him for still pursuing me. How much I appreciate him for being the spiritual leader in our home. How deeply handsome he is to me, aged flaws and all. How much I feel protected & safe with him. How much I love him for accepting me with physical, emotional and spiritual flaws and all. As I lay inches from him, I couldn’t help notice how much he still made me tingle just to be near him. Although neither of us is perfect it is each of our imperfections that the other intentionally puts aside that has created the rich love we have for one another.

HOMEWORK: 

Ask yourself: 

• Is your mate someone that can grow old (and maybe fat) with you and you still love them as much as you did the first time you adored them? 
• Are you self-conscious or humiliated when they do something embarrassing in front of others while with you? 
• Do you feel uncomfortable when they share their most vulnerable emotions with you? 

It simply comes down to “can they be imperfect with you and still have your love and respect?” If the answer is no, see below ‘Suggestion’. If the answer is yes, now go ask them to answer the same questions honestly about you! If they answer any question with a no, see below 'Suggestion'. If the answer is yes...congratulations on growing a rich and beautiful love for one another! Keep up the great work.

SUGGESTION:

If you want to create the foundation for loving and respecting a mate that is perfect enough to accept your imperfections, attend our next Couples Training. For info, costs,  dates & to register go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com

About the Author

David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples.  For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com