Encouraging Our Mates

Two Horses

Just up the road from a country home is a field, with two horses in it. From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing.... Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing. If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell. It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.

As you stand and watch these two horses, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray. When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell. ~ Author Unknown

Our thoughts on the lesson from this story for relationships...

The lesson we can learn from these beautiful animals with our mates is to not throw one another away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. The lesson also is “shore one another up” and support our mate and even bring others into our lives to help us when we are in need. Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell and needing the support of our mate and other times we are the guide horse, who is strong and able to find our way so that we can help and ‘shore up’ our mate.

Please listen for your mates bell and it will encourage them to listen for yours.

Question for you: What are ways you can shore up your mate? What are ways they can shore up you?

NOTE: If you don't know what to do to "shore up" or encourage your mate, our couples training teaches you and your mate exactly what they need for encouragement and how to shore one another up. Check the calendar on our website for our next training available to the public.

Learn how to create intimacy as a couple

1. Ask your mate... “What can we do to improve our relationship?”

2. Then ask... “What types of intimacy would you like to experience at a deeper level?” (share with one another and honor your mates answers because they may be different from yours!)

● Emotional

● Physical

● Recreational

● Spiritual

● Social

● Intellectual

Now, create a “plan” together:

Discuss what steps you each think you can take as a couple? (remember what you learned from the training..."not wrong, just different"!)

1. Emotional: What do you need most from me when you are having a bad day?

2. Physical: How often would you like to have sex?

3. Recreational: What activities or sports would be fun to do?

4. Spiritual: Should we set aside a daily quiet/devotional time? What does it look like when we are having that quiet/devotional time?

5. Social: What things would you like to plan with friends?

6. Intellectual: What types of books/articles would you like to talk about?

7. ALL: How often should we have a date night?

8. ALL: How should we plan getaway weekends?

If you want to learn how to create intimacy in just a short weekend, go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com and register for October 8-9th’s training!

Forgiveness 101

Forgiveness is not passivity, it is power. It is the ability to withstand the temptation to dwell on or bring up hurts & history that are literally chains keeping you & your relationship in prison.

1. First you WILL it...
2. Then you'll start to feel it.
3. You start it today...
4. Confirm it tomorrow.
5. And, keep confirming it by faith...
6. Until you walk it by sight.

Forgiveness is critical with your mate. "Active Forgiveness" provides peace, patience, kindness, joy, hope, forgiveness, honesty, trust, safety, intimacy & respect in a relationship.

If you don’t know how or you need help in remembering learn how to give forgiveness in our next training. Amy teaches a powerful way of how she was able to forgive me in our couples training. For info on our next training date go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com

How to "Divorce-Proof" your Relationship

When overwhelming stress and change comes that can distract or destroy a relationship...and unfortunately, it will -- it takes sheer determination to get through it with the goal that those changes will make you stronger and create something bigger and better!

It takes an attitude that no matter what, as a couple we are going to win this battle. That we are going to go through this united and we are going to overcome it...TOGETHER! You win in a relationship when you get rid of the excuses & decide to be on each other’s team period. When you let NOTHING divide you. When you make the decision you are on the side team playing doubles and not singles in a tennis match, as a friend of mine once said.

“It is in the quiet crucible of your personal private sufferings that your noblest dreams are born and God’s greatest gifts are given in compensation for what you’ve been through.” ~ Wintley Phipps

Learn tools that will help you 'divorce-proof' your relationship at our training. Check our website for the next training date @ www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com

Ways to show LOVE to your Mate

• Show affection to her – hold my hand, hug me in public or just sitting on the sofa, stroke my hair, rub my back, hold me
• Show affection without having sexual intentions
• Share your feelings with her
• Tell her about your day and challenges
• Ask her about her day and challenges WITHOUT fixing them
• Talk to her without harshness, guardedness or grunting
• Talk with her while not looking at the newspaper, computer, text messages or TV
• POWER Listen to her
• Be a gentlemen…open the doors, let her go first through a door, open the car door for her first, etc.
• Tell her how much you appreciate what she does in your relationship and for the family
• Admit when you are wrong and sincerely apologize (use the apology process we taught you in the training)
• Be the spiritual leader in our home (Men...this is the #1 most requested thing from believers and non-believers (women) in our couples training and with couples we coach)
• Don’t look at or comment about other women…including on the internet, walking down the street, in the restaurant
• Wear your wedding ring to show you are “taken”
• Don’t bring up the “D” word (Divorce) or anything that sounds like it EVER
• Verbally support & honor her in front of others -- even when she isn't around
• Praise her for what she does
• Ask for and value her opinion
• Talk with her in a LOVING tone
• Tell her you love her
• When trying to resolve problems do 3 things: Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly.
• When she is talking ASK her if she just needs you to listen or fix it.

Homework idea: These are some of our suggestions. Have your mate tell you their top 5 on this list!

To learn what your mate needs to feel loved check our website for the next training date @ www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com

Ways to show RESPECT to your mate

• Tell him “thank you” for going to work, protecting & providing for you (and the family)
• Don’t complain about the finances, his job or having to work
• Cheer his successes whether in business, dreams, a sport or hobby
• Praise his good decisions and support him in the poor ones
• Don’t continually "have a better idea"
• Talk to him in a LOVING tone
• Laugh at his jokes
• Compliment & honor him in front of others
• Disagree with him in private
• Let him do tasks his own way
• Ask him for his opinion & try to fulfill his suggestion
• Tell him you like him
• In problems, do 3 things: Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly.
• Let him fix things & applaud his solutions
• Thank him for his advice & knowledge
• Do things with him or watch him do them (I don't like to fish. I do go from time to time without complaining or nagging and hang out with David when he fishes -- he likes that!)
• Initiate sex with him
• Respond to his playfulness more often
• Support his decisions
• Don’t say the words, "I told you so"
• Encourage him to talk about his dreams (LISTEN without being critical of them!)

Homework idea: These are some of our suggestions, have your mate tell you the top 5 are for him.

To learn what your mate needs to feel respected check our website for the next training date @ www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com

Focus on the right thing in your Relationship

• Talk w/them about realistic/unrealistic expectations (w/safety, like we taught you in our training)
• Shut OFF electronics & distractions & do what they want to do.
• Apologize when you do/say something that hurt/dishonored them (don’t forget the one you learned in our training)
• Discuss your hopes and dreams as a couple & then make plans to achieve them
• Work on understanding your mate’s point of view more than your own
• Accept your mate and their ideas for who they are – most likely they did that when you got married!
• INSPIRE change by changing how YOU act and react to your mate (and kids!)
• Initiate loving and respectful things for them (You can start with the “Love is a Verb” tool that we taught you in our training!)
• Appreciate your mate by saying “Thank You so much for...”, "I appreciate you doing that for me", "I can't tell you how much it means to me when you..."
• Exercise being quiet by power listening to your mate when they speak...even when you don't agree with them!
• ASK your mate if they want your opinion before giving it
• Do not demand your own way – be flexible in your ideas, thoughts, feelings
• Love always starts when you wake up in the morning with your actions, reactions and words
• If you are having a bad day, reassure your mate it isn't about them.
• Stop keeping “Score” of what your mate doesn't do for you instead start thinking about all the things you can do for them!
• Keep it short when you are talking with your mate…when you talk without taking a breath they don’t hear what’s important to you!
• Resolve an issue EVEN when it’s hard (use the tools we teach in our training!).

Check our website for the next training date @ www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com