Learn how to appreciate your mate - even when you are struggling!

by Amy Ensminger

For some relationships appreciating your mate is an easy thing to do. I remember years ago when David and I were struggling in our relationship the LAST thing I wanted to do was appreciate him for anything – in fact I would have had a hard time finding anything to appreciate about him because I wasn't willing to look at the good things at all.

Let me ask you a question… how important is it for YOU that your mate appreciates you for what you do for your relationship, family, finances, spirituality, friendships, etc.? You can bet that if it’s important to you to be appreciated you can bet it’s important to them as well. If you are feeling unappreciated or taken advantage of by your mate, based upon years of hearing couples complain in our trainings and workshops, so is your mate when you aren’t appreciating them. As a result, sadly we hear every day about the tendencies to match or even one-up mate’s negative or bad behavior when they don’t feel appreciated. “If he does this, I’m not going to do it either”. “If she doesn’t do this, I’m doing this”.

Today is Valentine’s Day and a PERFECT day for you to start appreciating the largest and smallest things that your mate does. Start your own “appreciation” game and appreciate away whether they do the same or not. If you don’t know where to start – think about every single thing that gets done, is paid for, is created, eliminated, said or taken care of that you don’t have to do – large & small… some or all of it.

Challenge: 

It’s time to get the magnifying glass out and look for the things you need to appreciate your mate for. NOTE: Resist the temptation to look at what they don’t do for you and get back on track by identifying every little thing that is helpful, kind or giving that they do for you (and the family).

Homework: 

For the next two weeks at least one time a day, lovingly touch your mate’s shoulder or hug them and say “I appreciate it so much that you do/did ___ for me/us”.

Suggestion:

To learn how to communicate, identify red flags in your relationship, get unstuck, learn your mates love language, break free from the prison of unforgiveness attend one of our Creating Intimacy & Respect Couples Training.  For info, references or to register go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect 

About the Author

David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples.  For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com