Are You a Ticking Time Bomb?

by Amy Ensminger

I know first hand that anger is deceitful and cunning – it is in fact a sabotaging behavior that can destroy whatever is in it's path.  

I've learned there are a few guarantees about anger:  

1. It tries to convince you that your angry outburst is caused by someone else’s behavior (which of course it is not) 
2. Anger will represent an escalation of control and abuse in any relationship.  

Just as we believe that the outburst of anger is inappropriate for our children or grandchildren on the playground, it is certainly inappropriate in our lives as well.  If you were not taught how to avoid getting angry for the sake of your relationships (with your mate, children, boss, peer, friend and even yourself), you need to learn to avoid it now to protect those very relationships from destruction.  

If you have said at least once before in response to getting help for your anger..."I don't know how to stop loosing control and getting angry",  I have great news.  I have been in your shoes with relationships falling apart all around me and know first hand that when you are ready to learn how to stop it, you can.  Below are a few steps I recommend, BUT if anger is truly a destructive behavior of yours, join me in being courageous enough to do something about it!

Step 1.  Acknowledge the fact that you, and only you determine if you will have an angry outbursts.  

(No one can “make” you angry)

Step 2.  Identify instances of your angry outbursts and their effects 

(Including your own actions and reactions, feelings and emotions)

Step 3.  Understand why your angry outbursts take place.

(If it is resentment or unforgiveness we have a powerful process in the Couples Training to help you break free from the prison of unforgiveness and resentment)

Step 4.  Try to avoid the conditions that make angry outbursts difficult to control.

(If you know certain situations or environments create opportunities for your anger to spill-out, don't do it)

Step 5.  Train yourself to control your temper when you cannot avoid frustrating situations.

(We teach you about situations that set you up along with “code words” and tips to help you train yourself to avoid these situations in the Couples Training)

Step 6.  Measure your progress for yours and others safety.

(If you are not making progress.  Attend one of our workshops or training's or get one-on-one help through individual life management training's, counseling or anger management classes.  We have several we can recommend)

Think of yours and others emotional and physical safety.  Because it is a behavior you can change/stop, you should have ZERO tolerance for your angry outbursts, and BTW, so should your mate!

CHALLENGE: 

If you are on the receiving end of any abusive angry outbursts and are in danger, seek shelter.  If you or your loved one creates change and makes progress in overcoming anger applaud the change at every turn!

HOMEWORK: 

Make a list of your arsenal of weapons (verbal, physical & threats of anger). 

• What do you tend to do/say when you have an angry outburst?  
• How do you act or react?
• Include the day, date, time, and circumstances, along with a description of each angry outburst.

SUGGESTION: 

Learn how to create tools to stop sabotaging behaviors, including anger, resentment and unforgiveness at one of our four 2013’s Couples Training:  Hurry & register before January 25-27’s class is full!  For info or to register go to:  Couples Training Info & Costs or call 800.229.9252

Stuffing it or Spewing It Suggestions:

If you are single or in a relationship, we provide a 1-day workshop just for you to learn how to stop stuffing it or spewing it.  For info or to register go to:  1-Day Workshop Info & Pricing

Copyright © 2010 ADE & Associates.  All rights reserved

David & Amy Ensminger are Founders and on the Board of Directors for Creating Intimacy & Respect, Inc. which provides training's, workshops, retreats and speaking for singles and couples about creating hope and joy in relationships.   For information or to register for their next available program contact 800.229.9252 or go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com.