Tips While You Wait For An Apology

by Amy Ensminger

It can be agonizing; sitting there in a tense house, waiting for an apology that you feel is owed to you about the simplest of things. After a while, you have to ask yourself – ‘exactly how long do I want to sit here, feeling hurt, miserable and getting angrier by the minute’.

Waiting for an apology or admission of wrong that we think is OWED to us can be some of the loneliest and most frustrating waiting there is. The ironic thing is, your mate is doing the same thing wherever they are. Then this hurt your feeling begins to turn to resentment, which turns to anger (whether you say it out loud or stuff it!), which now means that you don’t have to just resolve the original

thing of feeling they owe you an apology – now you have to resolve the resentment and anger as well.

Then finally one of you breaks the silence after who knows how long and escapes from the prison you’ve both been in for what seems like eternity, and sadly, in most cases without true reconciliation of all the feelings and hurt you’ve both just endured. It’s the perfect picture of both of you in a right-fight with a mega dose of selfishness and pride sitting flat dab in the middle of it. [OUCH – yes I did just say that!]

Although in the beginning it’s VERY hard to break those sabotaging behaviors of right-fighting, selfishness and pride, if you truly love your mate it ultimately isn’t important of who is more wrong or who offended whom first. The most important thing is that BOTH of you want to love and respect one another enough that you want to mend the damage that’s been done and make peace. Don’t wait. Be the more mature person and say you are sorry first. The sooner you get past all that crazy cycle of finger-pointing and pouting, the sooner you’ll get to the making up!

CHALLENGE:

To make it easier, use the 5 steps of the Apology Process we teach in our training:

1. Confession

2. Apologize

3. Reconciliation

4. Ask Forgiveness

5. Recommit to the Relationship

(To learn how to use this simple process as well as resolving conflict attend our Couples Training)

HOMEWORK:

Be the first to apologize and start using the Apology Process above. With me flat-lining twice in June during surgery, David & I are able to imagine very easily life without one another. To help remind you just how short life really is, what can you do to remind you that your mate is too precious for this right-fight or selfishness? Is what you are agonizing over really worth it?

SUGGESTION:

Attend a Creating Intimacy & Respect Couples Training. For info or to register go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com or call 800.229.9252. Limited Seating

About the Author

David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples.  For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com