by Amy Ensminger1. Early Bird Catches the Worm: When one of you mentions to the other that the relationship is in trouble and you do nothing about it. You don’t attend a couples training, or don’t meet regularly with a minister, coach or counselor until the trouble is behind you.
BTW: Statistics indicate that the more time that passes after one of you recognizes there is trouble in the relationship, the lower the odds are that you’ll stay together or that your intimacy can survive it.
2. Common Ground: You don’t have or initiate any common ground. It’s an indication of a rocky road if you’re no longer spending any time together or if you find it a relief not to spend any time together.
3. Ghost: You repeatedly bring up the ghosts from the past. Whether it’s a current issue or an unforgiveness from the past. If you BOTH don’t commit to getting help to solving the issue, your relationship is in trouble.
4. All In: A healthy relationship takes work from both parties. When only one of you is trying in the relationship, it doesn’t inspire the other to want to try.
5. “Ain’t Got No Respect”: When one of you consistently feels rejected, abandoned and humiliated you’re in a bad place.
6. Playing Doubles: In a healthy relationship, you both feel like your playing on the same team playing doubles in a tennis match, vs. singles. You support one another and know the other has your back no matter what. If one of you starts moving to the other side of the tennis court you know it’s a sign of serious trouble.
7. Trust: Broken trust whether through addictions, affairs, etc. are tough on a relationship but they can be overcome. You have to stop the addiction or affair and anyone or anything connected to it. Most importantly sincere regret, apology & professional help must be the first steps of creating a new way of loving and living with your mate.
8. Serial Killer: When trust is broken and regret, apology & professional help have been initiated, the relationship has a chance to heal. Not so when the offense continues to be repeated with the same regret, apology in tow. Typically that’s a problem that destroys a relationship.
9. Blame Game: When one of you continues to be in the right-fight category of never being wrong and always blaming your mate it is damaging to a relationship.
10. Family: When you allow kids to come in between you it creates anger and fear of being rejected. Whether that’s your own kids, step kids or … in-laws! Or maybe it’s that one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t.
11. Disconnected: When one of you is disconnected in the relationship it dies a slow and lonely death. When both of you don’t make the effort to connect physically, emotionally and spiritually the needs, wants & desires of the relationship aren’t met. If you are the mate that continually refuses to listen to what your mate needs or refuses to share his own needs, you are the one holding the gun killing your relationship.
12. Talking: If you’ve reached a point where all you ever talk about is things like who needs to buy milk, or what the kids are or are not doing you’re intimacy in the relationship is in trouble.
CHALLENGE:
Take some time to identify which of these has your relationship on the rocks. Talk about it and take action on
HOMEWORK:
If you have more than 2 areas, register for our next couples training. If you have more than 5 areas, IMMEDIATELY register for our next couples training and schedule an appointment with a counselor. (IF you need referrals to a counselor, contact us at info@creatingintimacyandrespect.com)
SUGGESTION:
2. Common Ground: You don’t have or initiate any common ground. It’s an indication of a rocky road if you’re no longer spending any time together or if you find it a relief not to spend any time together.
3. Ghost: You repeatedly bring up the ghosts from the past. Whether it’s a current issue or an unforgiveness from the past. If you BOTH don’t commit to getting help to solving the issue, your relationship is in trouble.
4. All In: A healthy relationship takes work from both parties. When only one of you is trying in the relationship, it doesn’t inspire the other to want to try.
5. “Ain’t Got No Respect”: When one of you consistently feels rejected, abandoned and humiliated you’re in a bad place.
6. Playing Doubles: In a healthy relationship, you both feel like your playing on the same team playing doubles in a tennis match, vs. singles. You support one another and know the other has your back no matter what. If one of you starts moving to the other side of the tennis court you know it’s a sign of serious trouble.
7. Trust: Broken trust whether through addictions, affairs, etc. are tough on a relationship but they can be overcome. You have to stop the addiction or affair and anyone or anything connected to it. Most importantly sincere regret, apology & professional help must be the first steps of creating a new way of loving and living with your mate.
8. Serial Killer: When trust is broken and regret, apology & professional help have been initiated, the relationship has a chance to heal. Not so when the offense continues to be repeated with the same regret, apology in tow. Typically that’s a problem that destroys a relationship.
9. Blame Game: When one of you continues to be in the right-fight category of never being wrong and always blaming your mate it is damaging to a relationship.
10. Family: When you allow kids to come in between you it creates anger and fear of being rejected. Whether that’s your own kids, step kids or … in-laws! Or maybe it’s that one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t.
11. Disconnected: When one of you is disconnected in the relationship it dies a slow and lonely death. When both of you don’t make the effort to connect physically, emotionally and spiritually the needs, wants & desires of the relationship aren’t met. If you are the mate that continually refuses to listen to what your mate needs or refuses to share his own needs, you are the one holding the gun killing your relationship.
12. Talking: If you’ve reached a point where all you ever talk about is things like who needs to buy milk, or what the kids are or are not doing you’re intimacy in the relationship is in trouble.
CHALLENGE:
Take some time to identify which of these has your relationship on the rocks. Talk about it and take action on
HOMEWORK:
If you have more than 2 areas, register for our next couples training. If you have more than 5 areas, IMMEDIATELY register for our next couples training and schedule an appointment with a counselor. (IF you need referrals to a counselor, contact us at info@creatingintimacyandrespect.com)
SUGGESTION:
Communication, Conflict Resolution, Establishing Boundaries, Identifying Sabotaging Behaviors, Creating Healthy Habits, Forgiveness and more. These are the things we will teach in our couples training. For info or to register go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com or 800.229.9252.
About the Author
David & Amy Ensminger are founders of Creating Intimacy & Respect which provides a 2.5-Day Couples Training and 1-Day Relationship Workshop's for Singles & Couples. For more information go to www.creatingintimacyandrespect.com
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